I knew he would come back late.

He told me not to wait up.

I told him I'd go to bed.

I lied.

The apartment was quiet except for the hum of the refrigerator and the faint ticking of the clock on the wall. I sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, arms folded beneath my head.

I wasn't even sure how long I'd been there.

Earlier my anxiety got too loud, so I took another shower. Not for cleanliness. For heat. The water pounding against my back calmed me making my pills work faster. Like it could rinse the thoughts out of my head.

It didn't.

Because all I could think about was him.

Where he was.

What he was doing.

What it was turning him into.

I told myself I was just resting my eyes.

But I must've fallen asleep.

Because the next thing I felt was fingers brushing through my hair.

Soft.

Careful.

Like I might break.

I looked up, and Lucas's eyes were looking back at mine.

"L-Lucas..." I said in the most groggy voice.

"Shhhhhh"

Lucas said before he gently picked me up bridal style and carried me to bed. He put me in bed and turned to walk away.

"Wait... where are you going?"

He turned back to me and walked over before he gently stroked my cheek.

"The bathroom. I'll be right back, Noah."

"You're coming back to bed?"

"Yes of course."

"Okay..."

I turned over and went back to sleep. I woke to his arms around me in the morning.

I can't lie. That made me feel amazing.

I opened my eyes to him. He was still asleep but I noticed something.

Bruises

What the fuck? What did Dylan do to him? He has classes today!

"Lucas? Hey?"

I said as I shook him softly trying to wake him.

"Huh? What." he said it almost a slur from his deep sleep.

"You have bruises on you! where's your ointment? Do you have anything to put on them? I can get you some ice. We have to do something about those."

"Ointment ugh just look in my nightstand drawer."

I climbed over him as gently as I could, because of course I was in the bed beside the wall and he was on the outside. I'm sure that woke him up more than anything else did but when I opened his nightstand drawer, I froze."

Lucas noticed that I hadn't moved for a few moments as well.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a sleepy morning voice that was both deep and raspy.

I still didn't answer and that must have alarmed him because at that moment he set up. He sat up and looked inside of the nightstand drawer to see what I saw.

Condoms.

"Noah? You okay? Are the condoms upsetting you?"

Lucas asked me.

I was still sitting near frozen and shocked from the side of them. Because what did this mean? What did I mean? What did he really want from me?

"Y-You," I started. "Y-You bring girls back here and sleep with them?" I asked slowly, stuttering, ashamed of the question blushing fiercely from the embarrassment of it all.

"What?" Lucas started. "No, no I've never brought a girl here to sleep with."

I swallowed because this next question is going to make me seem... inquisitive.

"Guys?"

"No... I've never slept with a guy."

I took a deep breath because for some reason that answer gave me relief.

"So... how many girls? How many have you slept with?""

"Three."

I felt my heart beat pause for just a second. I couldn't look at Lucas. My body wouldn't let me.

"Hey... Noah."

Lucas said, embracing me.

"I... I know it's not right. In fact, it was cruel. But I only slept with those girls in hopes that it would make me... straight. That I'd forget about you if I found the right girl. But honestly... I couldn't even finish with them unless I was thinking about you."

That not only made my heart stop for a second, but made it drop straight into my stomach. My chest locked up.

"Me?"

"Yes you."

"And....." I paused because I knew this next question was risky. In fact, I know it was out of my character to even ask, but I wanted to know.

"How were you thinking about me?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

God this guy just knew how to make me blush. Oh course that's why I'm asking Lucas!

My face was burning at this point.

"Y-yes..."

"I was thinking about... holding you. Touching you. Making you feel good. Being close to you. "

He stopped, so I looked him in the eye because I wanted to know all of it, no matter how dirty.

"And..." He continued. "Showing you how much I loved you. "

Well... that wasn't dirty at all...

"So... did you like it... with the girls? How did it feel?"

"I feel like it was only a fraction of how it would have felt with you."

I clenched my hands into fist to steady myself.

"You know I... I've never had sex before..."

"I had an idea..."

"Well... I had never kissed anyone before either... until you."

That comment looked like it knocked the deep breath out of Lucas. Was that something he was dying to hear?

"Well... you liked kissing me right?"

I unconsciously reached up and touched my lips.

"Yeah, I did." I whispered.

Silence fell over us again before I broke it. But not without avoiding his gaze first.

"So y-you want to have sex with me too right? Eventually?"

"It's not as important as other things I want."

"What's that?"

"Let's not discuss that now. But I promise we will soon."

"Okay... so that means you got the condoms for me?"

Lucas froze.

"Well... I..." Lucas started scratching the back of his head. "I got them just incase it did happen. Not because I expected anything. Honestly. So no pressure."

Now he was blushing. That's a rare sight. He even looked away from me

"Okay... well.. I guess we better get this ointment on your bruises before class."

I help Lucas care for his wounds but he still wouldn't let me see his back.

After that we had hot pockets for breakfast and started the day.

Classes went by kind of slow. By the time I got back to the apartment Lucas was already there. He had lunch ready for me.

Cheese burgers.

I sat down at the table with him.

"I made sure to put extra pickles on yours." Lucas said before taking a bite of his burger.

"What?" I said opening my sandwich just to not find a single pickle.

Lucas snickered.

I sighed but could hold back my own chuckles.

"Asshole." I smiled before I took my first bite.

We continued eating, laughing and joking about old times. Then before we knew it Lucas was leaving for football practice.

"Hey.. I should be back early. Dylan's leaving early so that means I can too. He apparently has something to do."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well... honestly I think he has a new roommate."

"..."

"Maybe I shouldn't have told you that but... to me it means he's completely moved on from you."

"Lucas... are we just going to let him take on another victim?"

"I know it sounds awful but we don't have a choice."

"...Dylan literally made me want to... kill myself."

Lucas paused.

"I can't save everyone Noah. You are my only priority."

"Okay."

"Okay... I'll see you when I get back."

Lucas left and I couldn't get Dylan having a new roommate out of my head.

Days went by until finally Friday came.

I was relieved to see the weekend coming but still the thought of Dylan's new roommate was stuck in the back of my mind.

Friday morning.

The morning sunlight from the blinds was shining down on Lucas's sleeping form.

Wow, he's actually glowing. Like an Angel.

Uh oh...

He rolled onto his back in his sleep.

Damn he's handsome.

The light was still shining over his form. Which is why I noticed what had formed below his waist.

Oh god... he's hard. Is it just morning wood? Is he like this because of me?

He's asleep still.

I looked at his face to confirmed that before taking a closer look... just out of curiosity.

It's... it's huge...

He wants to put that inside me? How?

Okay and here I am about to get lightheaded at the thought. I need to get out of bed.

I scooted down to the foot of the bed to get up because the last thing I was going to do was crawl over the mountain of bulge in his pants.

I sighed.

I need coffee and I guess the smell of it really snapped Lucas awake because he was yelling from around the corner a little while later.

"Hey, Noah I'm gonna jump in the shower now."

"Okay."

Good, he needs to take a cold one.

I chuckled to myself for just a second before... yep. My own bulge is showing.

Shit...

I don't masterbate often. I mean who does when your in fucking fight or flight mode all the time trying to survive.

I guess I can go take care of this in the bedroom before he gets out of the shower.

I'll just go now.

I rushed into the bedroom when I was sure Lucas was actually close to showering. I'd die of embarrassment if he caught me doing this.

I got in bed under the covers, laid on my side

What should I think about? Lucas right? I mean it only makes since I got turned on because I saw him turned on. But...

God I could feel my face burning.

Thought about the couple of times Lucas and I made out.

I thought about how his touch felt but... mostly about how he looked at me. How passionate his every move was.

My breathing got heavier before I even realized what was happening.

"Ngh.." I moaned.

Splurt

A few moments later, I was just lying there staring at the ceiling, heart still racing.

And then it hit me.

I just rushed in here and now it's on the sheets. I have to take them off the bed. I can't let him notice.

I grabbed some tissues to clean off and immediately took the sheets off the bed and made them into a pile on the floor replacing them with fresh new sheets.

I put the old ones in the washing machine which of course Lucas walked in on me doing.

"Hey," Lucas started. "Those sheets weren't dirty yet were they? They hadn't been on the bed long.

"I-I.." oh shit I'm stuttering. "I split coffee on them."

"Oh okay."

He didn't push, good. Because there was no reason for me to have coffee in the bedroom and if he goes in the kitchen he will see the coffee pot has not even been touched.

"Yeah I can be clumsy." I smiled.

"Well, anyway I was thinking we should go out and do something tomorrow."

"Oh, okay what did you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise." He smiled.

"Well I can't wait to see the surprise." I smiled back.

We had a quick breakfast.

Cereal again.

And then headed off to classes our separate ways. It was a repeat of the prior days.

Go to classes, come back to the apartment at lunchtime, eat lunch with Lucas, watch Lucas leave for practice knowing that after practice he's going to see Dylan.

That will be followed by feelings of dread, being concerned about Lucas's safety, and a guilt of knowing Dylan has a new roommate that he's about to put through the same hell He put me through while I do nothing.

Today I found myself actually pacing the floors when Lucas left.

It was so bad I ended up taking my medicine, sat down and tried to focus on my classwork as well as study. Actually, now that I think about it, I wonder how Lucas is doing in his classes. He's always busy.

I kept my eye on the clock. It brought me a little bit of comfort that I knew where Lucas was supposed to be depending on the time.

I mean, I know where he goes for football practice, but I have no idea what we're doing is taking him every day. And it's not like Lucas has been very forthcoming with any details.

As time goes by and I hear the clock announcing every second that goes by I literally couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed one of the dining chairs and used it so I could reach this stupid clock and take it off the wall. I actually buried it in a closet somewhere.

Lucas probably won't even notice.

But that one action made me realize that this was my breaking point. I have to do this. How can I even consider myself as a decent human being if I don't.

I took a deep breath, threw up my hoodie and made my way out the door. Here I was on my way to a place that I never thought I would return to.

The dorms.

I can not just sit back and let someone else go through what I did.

When I stepped inside, of course nothing had changed. The same plane walls, the occasional 2 to 3 student students in the hallway.

I walked right past them. I didn't care if they tried to talk to me if they looked at me. My adrenaline was way too high.

When I got to the door, I just stood there for a second trying to collect my nerves, but when I went to knock, I heard voices... and one of those voices belonged to Dylan.

I gasped.

What was adrenaline and was transformed into pure panic that I had to pretend was not happening. And honestly, I can only imagine that that would only draw more attention. A little cherry on top of the already panic.

When I finally stepped off campus into the parking lot of the apartment complex, I slowed down my peace and started to take deep breaths.

I need to calm down. I don't want Lucas to see me this worked up as soon as he gets home.

Then the thought came to mind.

A shower.

Yes, I'll take a shower. Entering the apartment I opened the door to find Lucas in the living room, staring at me, dumbfounded. He still even had his hoodie on. He must've just got here too.

"Noah?" I didn't even realize you weren't here... where are you coming from this late? You're usually never out around this time.

Okay, my panic is growing right after I slowed it down in the parking lot a little bit.

And this long pause when he's waiting for my answer isn't helping my case.

"I... I just went for a walk." I answered of course with my eyes on the floor. Anywhere but him.

"A walk? Is it dark outside?"

"Yeah... I figured there wouldn't be a lot of people out right now so the time felt right I guess..."

"Noah... Noah, are you kidding me right now?" He said, his voice a little louder, a little firmer than what I'm used to.

"I-I..."

"W-Were... you at Nico's again?"

"God, no Lucas! I haven't seen Nico in forever. I'm sorry." My voice shook.

"I..."

Lucas sighed.

"Jesus Christ Noah I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I raised my voice at you."

I didn't say a word.

"Come here... please?" Lucas said his arms open for me to embrace him. And I went.

"I'm sorry... I just... I get really upset when I think about you being unsafe... and you walking around alone at night isn't safe. Not after what you've been through and... Nico is definitely not safe either okay..."

"Why do you say that?"

"It doesn't matter, just remember I told you that."

Lucas started to rub my back as he continued.

"Anyway... let's do dinner and wind down for the night. Unless you want to punch me in the face or spit on me for talking to you like that."

I chuckled a little.

"No... I'm not interested in hurting you."

"You might like it?"

"Not today weirdo." I smiled.

"Hey Noah..."

"Yeah?"

"I'll make this up to you tomorrow..."